BOOM...roasted.

It's not too often that I actually get to tune in to some of my students' conversations with each other. I'm always rushing around, trying to accomplish the tasks for the day. However, after witnessing this conversation...I might try a little harder from now on...

K: Hey N, guess what?
N: What?
K: I got a new transformer...it's really big ::shows how big with his arms::
N: Yea..well guess what?
K: What?
N: I have a dragonoid collosus. ::turns and walks away::
K: WHAT!!

(boom...roasted.)

a new school year...

Please forgive the delayed update of this blog. Believe you me, it is most certainly not because of dull students.. They are quite hilarious. However, I never seem to find time these days to sit down and blog. And with my recent joining of the twitter bandwagon...blogging just isn't my default anymore (sorry non-tweeters). So to be fair...I will attempt to do a much better job at updating the blog. The following quotes are going to be some repeats from twitter along with being in no particular order. I don't have my "must blog soon" quotes with me right now so those will have to come later.

Without further ado...I present to you the class of 2010-2011.

Me: does anyone know what a subway is?
Student (singing): "subway...eat fresh!"

K: Mrs.Vining...I'm not feeling good. I cant lean my head thisaway or thataway and i dont need to breathe a lot.
Me: passing out probably would make you feel better...

A student brought me an apple one morning. I wanted to feel insulted for a moment; however, I still accepted his kind gesture. He brought another one in the next morning to which I responded "next time you bring me an apple...put it on a stick and dip it in caramel first"

Quite frequently, my students like to add to my sentences. One day while reprimanding a very disruptive and destructive kindergartner, one of my students added "yea, mrs.vining don't play."
(ya heard?)

Me: who makes neighborhoods a nice place to live?
Student: God.
Me: that's true. How about someone here on the earth?
Student: Jesus.

Me: What would you do if you were mayor?
Student: I would do nothin'. I would go home and take me a nap.

(Campaign: "yes we can!..after a good nap") future leaders of America...

Me: does anyone know what the word 'extinct' means?
Student: yea! That means when the dinosaurs didn't brush their teeth...their breath extincted!

(she was not joking and all other students seemed to be nodding in agreement, to what them seemed to be, a legitimate response)

In my attempts to draw a seashell, a student said "it looks like lips.."
Taking into consideration the feelings of others, another student said "she's doing the best she can!"

Student: mrs.vining, my brain hurts..and my neck...and my stomach.
Me: we might just need to put you down then...relieve you of your misery.

Phonetically-Spelled Apology Letters

A majority of my students got in trouble and/or were being disrespectful during P.E. time. The coach was baffled by their behavior because they are not usually the troublesome class. I told the students how sad I was that they would disrespect another teacher so I had them write apology letters to the coach. I read through them and found some of their spellings to be quite humorous. Here are just a few (I'll let you try and figure out the words):

Dear Mrs. N,
I love you.
I am sore.
I am gunu chrigh my best.
I will never be bad.
I will olwast love you.
I will never tok back.
I will owas git in lin.
I will not make a mab fas.
I will not poosh.
I will not act crase.


I am sorry.
I will be good nexst PE. I promis to never be bae.
I will dowene thang to get jor chrust beck.
I will never de bae a gen. I am sory for being bae.


I am soure for bisobating.
I am soure for playing in line.
I am soure for enoring.
I am soure for playing when I dot spostow.


I'm sore Mrs. N. I will be good nack time.
I wont to do good. I will not dispact.


I am sorry. I will be good. I will never be bad again.
I will try not to bring flip flops again.


OK, I know I said to figure out the words on your own, but just incase you had a little trouble, here's some translations of a few of the more challenging ones:

sore, soure = sorry
gunu = "gunna"
chrigh = try
olwast, owas = always
crase = crazy
bae = bad
chrust = trust
dowene thang = do anything
bisobating = disobeying
enoring = ignoring
dot spostow = not supposed to
dispact = disrespect

recent quotes

D: Mrs Vining, C is tickling me in the ear pick.
Me: Where is she tickling you?
D: In my ear pick! (as he points to his arm pit)


Me: Alright, let's use our slinkies to stretch out this word...
Students: bbbb-rrrr--aawww-lllll
Me: What's the word?
Students: BRAWL!
C: Yea, women wear bras!
Me: brawlllll....not bra.

secrets, secrets....

Each Friday we have Friday Art Club. A parent will come in and teach the lesson and lead the children in an activity. I try to keep it a secret the whole week so that the parent can have the privilege of unveiling the activity for the week. One student was trying to get the secret out of me.

D: Mrs. Vining, what are we doing with the recycled stuff.

Me: I don't know....

D: C'mon, tell meeee

Me: Sorry, can't tell you.

D: Please, just tell me.

Me: You can just wait a couple more hours. I don't want you telling everyone else.

D: I don't have a good memory anyway, so you could tell me and I'll just forget later.

simple machines

This past week, we were learning about simple machines and how they only have a few parts. I was asking questions about the story of the week during one of my small groups. Here's how one conversation went with a student:

Me: C, what is an example of a simple machine?

C: An electric......eel.

Me: No, that's an animal.

C: An electric......power bill.

Me: Simple machines don't have to be electric. And a power bill is not a machine. :)

"but...."

One of my students was telling me something that I quite honestly wasn't giving 100% of my attention to. I'm sure my mind was in 5 different places at that moment. I heard her pause in what she was telling me so I assumed she was finished. I responded with a universal response of "wow, that's great." I focused my attention elsewhere for a few minutes only to find the student trying to get my attention again. She said to me, "Mrs. Vining, you did not let me tell you the BUT part of my story!" Oops..

look at all of these Bibles!

More towards the beginning of the year, my students were having trouble keeping the library center clean. Books would be all over the place. I gave up trying to reorganize it and started telling the students that they would clean it up or it would stay messy. My thoughtful students decided that they would organize it for me during center time. While I was back with my small group, a student came running to me with a stack of chapter books exclaiming, "Ms. Ellis! Look at all of these Bibles I found!" I guess in his mind every thick book must be a Bible.

knock knock...

Today, part of our reading included knock-knock jokes. I have to admit, regardless of how corny the jokes might be, it's refreshing to get to just laugh with the kids instead of sticking to a strict curriculum.
After reading some of the knock-knock jokes, I said another one to the kids. I'm sure you've heard it...it's the one where you keep saying "banana" when they ask who's there; then finally you answer "orange" and proceed to say "orange you glad I didn't say banana?" Well, the kids loved that one and decided they wanted to make up their own. Here are just a few:

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Book..
Book who?
Book head!!
(they thought adding the word 'head' to any word was hilarious...the humor obviously goes over my head)

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Banana...
Banana who?
Banana, orange you glad I didn't say orange?!
(But you did say orange....)

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Violet...
Violet who?
Violet, sparkly, purple!
(..........)



That's all of the jokes I can remember off the top of my head. It's somewhat hard to remember jokes that have no punch line whatsoever. Anyway, I figured I would end this post with a couple of quotes that involved mix-ups on words:

Me: Alright L, which joke was your favorite?
J: I bet I know what you're going to pick!
Me: J, just let L pick on her own...
L: Yea J, you're not a sign-kick!
Me: You mean...psychic?

(The following dialogue was during science when we were talking about how matter can change)
Me: Alright, when I ask you how matter can change, I'm not talking about it changing length or breaking. I mean, if I broke a pencil in half it doesn't change into something different, like a flower. It's still a pencil.
L: Yea, if it changed into a flower, then you'd be a musician!
Me: Magician...

babies...

I was explaining how mommy birds feed their babies...
Me: Now this might sound gross, but mom's eat and digest their food and then spit it back up into their babies mouth.
Class: Ewwwww!!!
Me: But think about it, you couldn't chew food on your own either when you were a baby, you had to drink liquids and eat mushy baby food...
Student 1: And you had to drink breast milk

(conversation was quickly diverted back to mommy birds throwing up their food...didn't want to explain the whole milking process to the class).


Later that day....
(on a side note, I was wearing a dress that was kinda puffy around the stomach)

L: Mrs. Vining, you look like you're going to have a baby!
:: I give the student a blank stare...letting her know that I was definitely not::
L: Well....a cute baby!
Me: Why..because you think the dress is cute?
L: Well J said it first!!
:: I look at J::
J: A said it to me!
A: Well, you do look like you're going to have a baby!
Me: I'm glad you're all talking about how fat I look.

Ruby's Wish...peanut butter

I was reading Ruby's Wish to the class one day. It's about a young Chinese girl who wants so badly to go to "the University". Later in the story, she's at a Chinese celebration where everyone gets a red envelope that is usually filled with money. Ruby's envelope was thicker than usual. I asked the students to predict what was in the envelope.

Student 1: I think that it's a big wad of money.
Student 2: It's probably confetti.
Student 3: Maybe it's money to go to the University.
Student 4: I think that there is peanut butter inside.

....On that note, I continued reading the story....
"It wasn't money...", I read.
All of the students who guessed money said "Aw, man!"
Student 4 responded, "It must be peanut butter."

Quotes for the day:

J: Mrs. Vining, you look tired.
A: Yea, you've got bags.


Me: Does anyone know what "wise" means?
C: It's like, when the sun wises.


Me: M, what does the word "advice" mean?
M: It means I'm handsome.
(He just so happened to be dressed very nicely that day...I think he was looking for compliments).

Me: What animals are nocturnal?
Student 1: Raccoons!
Student 2: Bats!
Student 3: Cats!
Student 4: Werewolves!

Judge Vining

Well, we've been having a lot of trouble in the classroom with the following:

toy cars

food

and money...

The boys have been bringing in one toy car after the next, which I have to take up. The food and money are intertwined. These last 2 items, which I'm sure the students' parents send WITH their children and FOR their children only, have become bartering items among my students. What happens is one student will eyeball another student's Lemon Heads. They find the Lemon Heads to be far more attractive and appetizing to their taste buds than the dollar bill in their pocket. So, trading ensues. I'm not opposed to this fair trading process. It's later in the day, when one students wants their Lemon Heads back but also wants to keep the dollar. Argument and fighting is inevitable and is quickly followed by "MRS. VINING!!!!...."

For these 2 cases (toy cars and money/food trading), I decided to educate the children about the courtroom. I became Judge Vining and I called the guilty up to the front of the classroom. Those not involved became the jury. First, I brought up the 2 children caught in the trading scandal. We explained the rule that we don't trade our food and money because thats not what our parents intended the items be used for. Each child had the opportunity to tell their side of the story. We worked together to come up with a solid story and concluded that it was not a good idea to trade unless we were going to be fair about it. I told them that I don't get to return something to Walmart and then keep the money too.

Then came the case of the toy cars. Six boys had to stand in a row at the front of the classroom. They were read their rights, they each had a moment to speak before the judge and jury, and they were also told the rule that they broke. I then decided that I would let the jury decide on how to handle this situation. I had taken up a car from each boy. My rule is that they don't get the car back until the end of the school year. I placed the decision in the hands of the jury to either allow the boys to receive their cars back today and never bring them again....OR...to keep to my rule and not receive them back until the end of the school year.

The jury met together at one table, whispering amongst each other. As I waited with the guilty, I noticed that the jury was using a system of raising hands to vote (which I was glad to see..because there were some pretty bossy jury members). The jury came to a conclusion and one jury member stated their decision: "We the jury have decided that they may receive their cars back today. HOWEVER, if they bring the cars back to school...Mrs. Vining is allowed to keep the cars forever."

No cars have been seen since then.

Case closed.

kids say the darn-dest things...

Me: Has anyone ever been in a situation where you were scared?
Student: I was. One time I was laying in my bed and I heard something outside my window...
(at this point I was completely engaged and thought something serious was going to come up...)

Student (cont.): ...and then a NINJA came through my window!
Me: Oooook, great.

About 20 days before David and I got married, I started a countdown. One morning one of the students shouted out "8 more days until Ms. Ellis has a baaaaaby!!!"

This was quickly corrected.

One of my students got in trouble for saying some bad words...the next day he told me this:

"Mrs. Vining, I put all of my bad words in a box and threw it in the ocean!"

During lunch, one of my students asked: "Mrs. Vining, do you know what I want to be when I grow up?". I asked her what and she responded, "A vegetarian!" (she meant veterinarian)

While I was with one of my small groups, we were reading the story "Mama's Birthday Present". During the reading, I asked a series of questions, one of them being "Do you think that all of these people cared about Mama?" One of the students responded with "Yea they cared, because if they didn't they would say 'I don't care about yo mama's birthday'."

more stories and quotes to come!